Parenting is never easy. Communicating with their children and understanding their children is something that parents should pay much attention to. The thinking and behavior of adults and children are different, so there are times when a parent’s words or actions put pressure on children directly or indirectly. No parent wants to bring negativity to their child, and not everyone is awake enough to notice and avoid it. Read the article below to better understand the pressures children can endure from their parents.
1. Scold your child more than praise
Many parents often ignore their children’s positive behaviors, always thinking that children should not be praised for being talented, and instead need to create pressure to become better. The truth is that regular criticism will not motivate children, on the contrary, it will also bring negative reactions. Even adults do not like to hear continual criticism when making mistakes, neither do children.
Parents should make an effort to help their children act better and give praise instead of constantly criticizing and scolding.
2. Parents always deny trying and underestimate their children
A psychiatrist in Beijing told a story: “A child with depression went to a re-examination. While waiting for the doctor, the boy opened a book to read, when he returned to the doctor, the doctor complimented: ‘He is really working hard.’ The mother replied immediately: ‘Hard work? He just pretends’ “.
The doctor said that even though the child’s psychology is not normal, the parents cannot use this ironic way to communicate with the child. The doctor makes great efforts to heal the child’s psychology, but only because of the mother’s words that all efforts dissipate.
“Many parents really do not know why children are depressed, do not understand why a child asks for death. Parents who love their children wholeheartedly can be the one who hurts children the most,” said the doctor.
Recently, on the Chinese social network, a person told his story: “When I was a child, when I was accidentally hit by a car on the way to school, I was scolded for being slow, not knowing how to avoid an accident”
My classmates took my money, my parents blamed me for being dishonest, indiscriminately spending money, and lying. Being beaten, swollen forehead but the person being scolded was still me. Why in any circumstances, my parents kept bullying me? “.
With children, the parents’ assessment is how they perceive their own values. When encountering difficulties, parents blame their children, if they fail, children will be ridiculed by their parents, their confidence is gradually worn away, their self-esteem is knocked down, and eventually falls into darkness.
3. Manage children’s activities too tightly
Parents who put pressure on their children tend to be controlling. If you keep checking everyday activities such as homework, chores, and playtime to make sure your child does everything right, parents are putting great pressure on the child.
Participation in a child’s life is important, but being overly involved can interfere with a child’s development. If you want your children to do well, you should allow them to make mistakes and deal with the consequences.
Seeing their children get bad grades because they are busy playing, lazy to learn can be frustrating for many parents, but it can teach your child a lesson in memory.
4. Parents are indifferent to their children’s feelings
The vice-principal of Beijing No. 55 Middle School, Li Mong Le, once told the story that happened at this school. A student in grade 7 with an excellent academic performance for many years suddenly his results decreased for unknown reasons.
The boy repeatedly told his teacher: “I don’t want to live anymore because life is meaningless”. Parents are invited to reflect, hearing this, the mother says: “Miss, don’t worry. That’s just the reason why I don’t want to go to school.” But after the teacher was sent to the hospital, the doctors said that the student’s mental illness was very serious.
“Many parents find it difficult to admit the bad feelings their children have suffered. In the face of their children, they are indifferent, even claiming that negative emotions are due to their fault and not accepting love The real feeling of the children, “Ms. Li said.
“Why cry, tears can’t solve the problem?”; “What to be afraid of, see what their friends are doing there” is a sentence the depressed kids often hear from their parents.
In a parent-child relationship, letting go of love is even crueler than violence. At this point, the child is like living on an isolated island, not respected and no one sees them. Emotional neglect, compared to violent treatment, does not hurt the body but punishes the heart in the most powerful way.
5. Teach your children the thought “All or nothing”
The thought of “All or nothing” is very common among many parents, for example when a child has a contest at school and parents say: “If you don’t get a good score, you won’t have any chance.”
Despite the fact that there are many situations in society where children only have one chance, if they are lost, they will no longer exist (like when interviewing with a prestigious university), the other speech of parents only creates pressure, shadow. psychological ghosts for them.
For many parents, not only important events but also small things like exams and small school competitions, also teach their children the idea of ”All or nothing”. Remember, children have many opportunities to shine and the outcome of most events will not change their lives.
6. Parents have high expectations that make children lose themselves
In the variety program of Beijing Television: “Teacher Please Answer” appeared a 6-year-old girl Kha Hinh that surprised many people. Although young, under the arrangement of her mother, she has made a detailed daily schedule to every hour, even every minute. Resting, eating, reading stories are also arranged correctly every second. This is the reason why Kha Hinh’s life is always under pressure.
Every request her mother made, she seriously complied, did not argue, nor did she show an unpleasant attitude. In the show, however, she faded away from all other social problems. She has no friends and has difficulty getting along with her classmates.
7. Compare your child with other children
Parents often reminded: “My neighbor’s child got a good score today”, “My cousin was chosen to take the exam for good student”, or “If your child works as hard as that girl is good or not” will make them feel competitive with those around them and under intense pressure.
Often being compared will make children discouraged and tend to be self-conscious, shy, and dare not participate in areas where they think they are inferior or inferior to children who are often praised by their parents.
If you want your children to be better, instead of comparing all the time, parents encourage them to compete with themselves. Talk to your children about the importance of learning so they can do better today than yesterday, and not worry about those around them.
8. Parents often lose their temper
If you put too much pressure on the child or yelling at your child, it means that the parents themselves are psychologically suppressed. And when a child doesn’t meet expectations, parents often experience an emotional outburst. Losing your temper because your child does not achieve the desired results will put too much pressure on them.
So to heal the child, the answer is just “Love”. When children are sincerely accepted by their parents, their inner strength is very abundant. Do not transmit anxiety, do not force children to be perfect, let them be happy and free to be themselves. Do not belittle and ridicule children as a way of communication. Respect children and learn to say nice words.
Parents accept that their child may never do the best in the class. If you keep putting pressure on your child it will only add stress to everyone. Instead of trying to force them to meet unrealistic expectations, parents should encourage their children to do their best.
Parents and children are a kind of deep destiny. Hope that all parents are not the cause of the disease but the warmest medicine for their children.