Most kids are vulnerable and impressionable when they grow up. And as parents, we should avoid using harmful, mentally damaging phrases with our kids so we won’t hurt them. Below are some common mentally damaging things we say to kids all the time without recognizing their negative effect on the child’s development. Knowing this and eliminating these phrases so those words cannot affect your child’s psychological development far into his adult life.
7 Damaging Things We Say To Kids
1. “Shut up.”
Right from their early ages, kids know that the phrase “shut up” is meant as an insult. And it’s important for us to accept that we should only be the last person who insults a child. But in fact, parents can find thousands of reasons to tell their children to “shut up”.
One of the most common reasons may be because you are too overwhelmed. For example, you may feel it is too frustrating when your kid constantly makes noise. However, you can totally find better ways to solve this problem instead of yelling at your kid “shut up”. Try to explain that you are feeling tired and you really appreciate some quiet time.
Or you can let the kid make all the noise they want, but they need to be quiet at some specific times on a day.
2. “You make me crazy”.
If possible, please keep calm and don’t use these hard words when communicating to your child, even when you are extremely angry with him. “You make me crazy” is an unhealthy way that applies guilt in a child to motivate him to change their behavior. But don’t misunderstand, this is never an effective way to help your kids change their bad behavior.
Our kids may drive us crazy, but our harsh words only worsen the thought process as well as the feeling of ownership in a child. Worse still, the kids will feel they are the cause of others’ problems. As a result, children may develop low self-confidence while what they need is confidence to be stronger in their life.
In addition, staying calm is a good chance for you to teach your kids that we all have the ability to control our feelings. It’s totally up to us to manage our emotions in a healthy way without disturbing others. Gradually, they learn that it’s not good at all to blame others for the way they feel.
3. “You are too sensitive”
Psychologists point out that many children are simply born with a more finely tuned nervous system. That’s why they often react quickly and intensely to just about everything. However, many parents of such kids usually make the mistake of trying to wash that sensitivity out.
Gradually, this can reduce the kids’ ability to empathize with other people. Just admit it, if you teach your children that their emotions don’t matter, how can they think anyone else does?
It is suggested that parents should listen to and accept a child’s emotion, even if those emotions seem to be illogical. In fact, there are several ways for you to discipline a sensitive child.
4. We’ll never afford that.”
If you want something that is out of your price range, don’t express to your child that you can never have it simply due to lack of money. That is a really negative way to talk to your kids. Rather than that, you can show your child that you have control over your finances.
For example, your kids may want to go to the cinema but you are having financial problems. Don’t tell them “We can never afford that”. Tell them: “We can’t afford the tickets since it is not included in our budget this year.” Ideally, consider them starting saving with an allowance jar so they can afford to buy tickets for the next movies.
Yes! Teaching kids about money as soon as possible is essential. This helps them grow up knowing that if they desire something they can’t afford, adjusting priorities is what they need to do.
5. “Why can’t you be like your sibling or cousin or a classmate?”
A very big mistake of parents when raising their kids is that they usually compare their children with others. Every child, in their parents’ viewpoints, is meant to be more outstanding than the other and come up successful in their life.
There are several times parents compare a kid to their siblings, next-door neighbor’s son or even their classmate at school.
This can damage your child’s personality traits and shake their confidence to the core. They usually believe that replicating other’s success will satisfy their parents.
6. “I hate my job”
I know it’s normal that you have had a very tired working day and you just want to tell this to your husband. Though it might seem quite harmless as you are not talking to your kids directly, please keep in mind that your children can pick up on this messaging.
Actually, there are several studies indicating that our attitudes towards life may have a big impact on determining our children’s success in the future, especially when it comes to their academic performance.
In addition, complaining about your job around your children can even make the kids think that working is not fun. As a result, your kids may grow up believing that adulthood is just spending half of your waking hours completing misery.
So, is there any better way to handle it? Parents should make it clear that you have your career choices. Don’t forget to share with your kids about how you are doing to make your work life better.
7. “Everything will be okay”
You may think that there is no problem saying this, but you are wrong. If your child does not get picked as a starting player for his sports team, tell him that everything will not always turn out well doesn’t mean a good foundation for the future.
Rather than talking to your children that there will always be a happy ending, tell them that they should be strong enough to handle his life.