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Parenting Helps

How to deal with siblings at war?

In families with several children, sibling rivalry is common. On the surface, you have two children who are at odds with each other. They are always bickering and do not get along.

There are a variety of explanations for sibling rivalry, but at its heart is the belief that one sibling is the object of the other or is something “less than” the other.

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As a result, one sibling assumes he or she receives less affection from their parents and blames their sibling for this. This is how sibling rivalry works.

For many families, sibling rivalry is a complex and often painful problem. Still, in the end, competition and envy are normal parts of life. It is your duty to assist your children with learning to cope with the emotions that come with it.

Understand that if your child does not learn to cope with the emotions of inequality, unfairness, and victimhood that come with sibling jealousy, these problems will follow them into adulthood and become even more debilitating.

Why Sibling Conflict?

To begin, try to comprehend why siblings can war. Each skirmish could be sparked by a different issue—for example, a battle over who gets to clean the floors or who gets to choose what TV show or movie to watch—but the root cause may be something more serious.

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In certain circumstances, the issue could be a personality mismatch. There may be residual feelings of competition in others. For example, a child may believe that their parent prefers one of their siblings over the other. Another child may be resentful because they believe they are not given as much responsibility because they are younger. Alternatively, one sibling can prefer things to be quieter and calmer while the other craves excitement and adventure.

The Special Case of the Bullying Sibling

Don’t mix up normal sibling rivalry with overt bullying. So, before I go into how to deal with daily sibling conflict, I’d like to talk about kids who partake in the bully-victim relationship.

One kid is the bully—usually the one who is older or stronger—and he continually picks on his other brother in the bully-victim relationship.

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As a result of the bully’s provocation, the bullied kid sometimes learns antagonizing strategies of retaliation. Since the bullied boy is unable to confront the bully verbally, he devises methods of retaliation against his more violent brother, such as shouting something under his breath or calling him names.

If one of the children threatens his peers and feels compelled to be in charge and manipulate others to the point of physical violence, it may be a sign of inherent self-doubt and severe thought errors.

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To make himself feel stronger, the bully justifies his actions by injuring others. Under all situations, you must keep all of your children accountable anytime there is an altercation, but you must hold the bully accountable for any violence that occurs in addition to the bickering.

To put it another way, punish any child who was involved, so if there is a bullying incident, you must intervene.

I don’t say choose sides as if you don’t value any of your children equally. Rather, you must state:

“There will be no bullying in this place. There will be no swearing at one another. That kind of action has significant ramifications.”

How to Handle Sibling Fighting
Teach kids how to handle conflict in a positive manner

Children who are taught how to resolve conflicts in a positive manner—for example, by listening to their siblings’ perspectives and refraining from name-calling—will be in a much healthier state of mind to resolve conflicts and progress beyond combat.

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Another advantage is that children who understand how to avoid and resolve problems with their peers when they grow up will be better at communicating and reaching consensus in subsequent relationships, both at work and at home. Learning how to resolve conflicts with their brothers and sisters can help children mature into adults who are adept at handling conflicts and maintaining interpersonal relationships.

Cast sibling harmony as important for the whole family

Explain to your kids that your family functions as a unit. To have a happy and caring family, everyone—mom, dad, and the kids—must work together, much like any good team. Fights among family members may have a negative impact on the entire team or family.

Step in

Any parents feel that allowing children to resolve conflicts on their own is the safest option. To some point, this is real, as long as children are given the means to resolve conflicts in a productive, optimistic, and peaceful manner. Intervene quickly if the dispute becomes tense or if there is verbal or physical violence. If you aren’t there during the fight, sit down with them and discuss what happened, emphasizing that violence of any sort is not tolerated in your household

Listen to your children

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In a sibling feud, there will be two sides to the story. Allow each child to feel as if they are being heard without being judged or interrupted. Children also feel much happier after venting to their parents about an issue, particularly when they believe they can express themselves and be treated equally..

Defuse Jealousy

Often emphasize the children’s positive qualities. Mention specific things you saw or saw them do. Also, let them know that you value their contributions just as much as you value their sibling’s.

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When an infant behaves jealous and behaves like a suspect, parents are more likely to pay attention to him, whether he is the bullying brother or the one who is bullied the most.

However, I don’t believe it’s a smart thing to pay more attention to the kid because you’ll be rewarding his or her sense of victimhood.

Instead, strive to give fair praise to all of your children. When you give them compliments, they sense your love for them. This is referred to as hypodermic love by psychologists.

Instead, strive to give fair praise to all of your children. When you give them compliments, they sense your love for them. This is known as hypodermic love by psychologists, and it’s a great way to boost the child’s self-esteem. A “shot” of hypodermic love will also easily transform a child’s behaviour when he or she is behaving out of fear.

And the more hypodermic attention children get, the less jealous they get because they feel remembered and their desires are fulfilled.

Make respect a non-negotiable rule

This means no yelling, kicking, or any forms of physical violence. Encourage the children to pay attention to the other person’s point of view and treat them with the same regard they would expect for themselves.

Encourage kids to get specific and state the issue

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In a sibling feud, there will be two sides to the story. Allow each child to feel as if they are being heard without being judged or interrupted. Children also feel much happier after venting to their parents about an issue, particularly when they believe they can express themselves and be treated equally.

Read more: 8 Miracle Ways To Reconnect With Your Child

Find solutions

Have the kids come up with any scenarios or suggestions that are equitable to all parties. Encourage them to put themselves in the shoes of the other person before making recommendations.

Model good problem-solving behavior

Children observe and learn from their parents, and we take our cues about how to resolve tension from our spouses, peers, and family. Our children can learn and adopt conflict-resolution skills if we are compassionate and caring during a dispute.

Conclusion

A family should, in theory, be a safe haven where everyone is loved and treated equally. Your children may be envious of one another, but envy is a normal human emotion.

Standard sibling competition and envy can not be eliminated by something you might do as an adult. But you should make sure that everybody gets ample attention, nurturing, and good regard while still limiting the amount of disruption caused by bickering.

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